Friday, August 31, 2007

so proud, but not for long!

Wednesday was such a great day for me. i felt wonderful all day long and didn't get sick once. It was a miracle! We had my parents over for dinner, and I cooked everything and ate and still wasn't sick. It was a such a pleasant day. One good day. Then thursday morning, I woke up and went to the bathroom as I usually do. Out of no where I threw up all over myself. Normally, I atleast have a little bit of a warning and can hop up. (sorry if this is too much info for you). But yesterday, I had no warning, and was totally grossed out. it was at this point that I became upset. As I hopped into the shower, I thought about how I've lost control over my whole body. I don't decide when I have to go to the bathroom any more. I don't decide if I want to sleep or if/when or for how long. I don't decide if food is going to stay down or not. And this is quite a frustrating feeling, and knowing that my body will be in this state for several more months was even more upsetting. So yesterday, not only was a sick all day long, but I was randomly sobbing over the fact that I had lost control over myself. Oh, yeah, and I don't decide if/when I will cry. Hopefully this weekend at the beach will do me some good.

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