Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Christmas thoughts

I know that I've been blogging a lot lately. Mostly just pictures, because I've got nothing to say. Or maybe I do have a lot to say, but just don't know how to say it or even if I should say it. Exposing my feelings is not something I normally do in public, and although I wouldn't being standing up in front of a crowd reading a speech about my feelings, it's pretty much allowing the outside world a glimpse into my head, which can be scary for my readers as much as it it for me!

I've been thinking a lot lately, since this christmas is my first Christmas as a married woman. Last Christmas, Kenney and I were engaged, and I was living at my parents house with Braydon. This year is our first Christmas as a family. Kenney's family lives 2 hours away, and since we can't travel, they're coming down this weekend for a little while to exchange presents and visit. And my parents will be gone in London with Rachel and her family. So it's just Kenney, Braydon and myself. This makes me a little nervous.

I begin to wonder if Braydon will be disappointed in Christmas this year. Will he know that his cousins "get" papa and ama on Christmas? (we'll try not to remind him of this.) Will he be unimpressed with the few presents we have to open (as opposed to the TONS of presents we had at Ama & Papas?) I was thinking back to when I was little, because I know my parents were in the same boat we are. My mom stayed at home, and my dad was working hard to make ends meet. I can't remember any of the presents I got or didn't get really. I don't remember how many presents we got. I just remember that it felt like opening presents took such a long time (we opened presents one at a time, slowly taking turns.) I'm sure it really didn't take that long, but a child's perspective is quite different from actuality.

And then I wonder whether I will be disappointed as well. Will I be sad all day, even though I've got a wonderful family right here? Will I upset Kenney because I'm sad that I can't share Christmas with my parents?

I know that it is vital that as a new family we establish some holidays independently, but I must admit, holidays mean family to me. My parents, my sister and I have been through a tremendous amount of "stuff" throughout the years, and when there's been nothing else, we've had each other. It's just so hard to imagine spending Christmas without them. I've spent many holidays without them before. When I was in college, I worked on Easter, and other holidays and thought nothing much about it. Last thanksgiving, my parents were with my sister & we went to Kenney's family for thanksgiving. Perhaps, it's because we aren't going anywhere.

We'd thought about maybe going to the movies on Christmas afternoon, but so far, they have no G rated movies for us to go see, which is a total disappointment. I've decided I'm going to make breakfast for us in the morning, and we all climb in our bed and have it there. Then we'll go downstairs and open presents. After that though, I suppose the day will go on just as if it were any other day.

So, I guess I just want to establish Christmas for Braydon so it's something he looks forward to like I did, and still do. I'm just wanting to "do it right", which I know is impossible to do, because there is no "right" way to do Christmas. Christmas is what you make it, right?


Melanie said...

*hugs* I have to say, I've been just the opposite! I'm looking forward to our own Christmas traditions (of course some of them will carry over from my childhood, like apple turnovers for Christmas breakfast) and making Christmas a relaxed, enjoyable day. I'm sure it will be absolutely wonderful. I believe that Braydon won't remember presents so much, as the incredible amount of love and security his mum gives him that will carry through to his adulthood!

Aprille said...

I second that Melanie. Anyways, kids get so overwhelmed with the presents that they can't absorb it anyways. Think of it this way. You get to do whatever you please on Christmas day. You don't HAVE to do anything! You can pack him up in his pjs that night and pack a yummy snack and go look at lights! free and if he is like Ella hes all over that. throw in some railroad tracks or bumpy roads and youv'e got yourself an induced labor baby! hehe