Monday, June 30, 2008

6 months and counting!

On December 29th, 6 months ago, you popped (quite literally) into our family, and into our hearts. You were only 7 lbs 6 oz, and 19.5 inches long. You're still quite a petite little girl though, but your doctor says you're just perfect. We think so too!

You have your daddy wrapped around your little fingers. He is so proud of his little girl, and is not ashamed to say it! He tells everyone he knows about you, and the little new things you do every day. He 'fights' Mommy over who gets to 'wear' you when we're out in public. You've got an amazing daddy, Makenna, that is for sure. He is a hard worker, and a great man! He loves the Lord, and is looking forward to teaching you what a gentleman is like by his example.

Today, you have your two bottom front teeth, and you seem to be working on a few more at the time. You can roll over...and over...and over...and that is your main means of transportation, aside from being carried, of course! You're just starting to try to scoot yourself, and when you shove your head into the carpet, you move much better!

When you were born, you came with a full head of hair, and it's growing! It's becoming curly and theres one big curl on your left side right behind your ear that just melts me into a puddle. You are just such a beautiful girl!

You still are nursing like a champ, and Mommy could not be more pleased! We've offered you different kinds of baby food, such as avacado, banana, apple and butternut squash. Sometimes you're interested in eating, other times you're not into. I don't mind one bit because when you're ready to eat, I know that you will! (Besides, I secretly enjoy the days when you decide not to eat pureed food because this means you want to nurse more, which means more "Mommy & makenna time!")

You've slept through the night for a while, but now you're back to enjoying your nighttime feedings. We're working on getting you to sleep in your crib when we can, and we know eventually you'll get it down.

You're big brother just loves you to pieces. He can't wait to play with you, and sometimes tries to wake you up when you're napping because he wants to make you laugh. He loves doing shows for you that include singing, dancing and are complete with a big finale! (I think he gets that from Papa Sumner!!) He even tries to pick you up out of your exercauser because he wants to take care of you, which Mommy likes, but sometimes is worried that he just doesn't understand how he rough he is and how fragile you are!

I didn't know what it would be like to have a baby girl, but I wouldn't have it any other way!! I used to hate pink (and still don't love it) but you just look so stinkin' cute in it, I can't NOT dress you in it! Speaking of dresses, I used to say that you were not going to be a dress girl when you were in my belly, but alas, you wear them quite often. Once again, you just look so adorable in them!

Makenna, I love you from deep within me. I pray over you all the time. I never understood what my parents meant when they said they prayed for my future husband since I was a baby, until you were born. I pray that God would protect him, to keep him safe, to help him meet every challenge he faces the best way he can, that he would come to know God, and have a very real, intimate relationship with Him. I pray these same things over you too! I cannot wait to see what God has in store for you, my precious baby girl. Never settle, never look back, never give up! I love you with all my heart.

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I am living, my baby you'll be!"

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

B's appointments

I took Braydon to the speech evaluation last week, and the lady said he definately had some problems with articulation, especially with blending sounds and with later developing sounds. She said that our insurance probably wouldn't cover speech therapy for him though, because he doesn't have a developmental delay. She did suggest taking him back to the Ear Nose and Throat doctor though to have his hearing tested, which we have scheduled for the 1st of July. We also have him scheduled with a child psychologist in mid July.

I ask that you pray for me, I really am struggling with Braydon right now.

Monday, June 23, 2008

recent stuff...

Here is some more recent stuff...

Did I tell you....?

...that Makenna might have a career in mind already?

...that Braydon likes to "wear" his pup dog like I wear Makenna?

...that Makenna has teeth (and has had 2 for quite some time)?

...that Braydon had a short-lived Mohawk?

...that Makenna can sit up all on her own?

...that I've began writing 10 different blogs in the past few weeks but haven't finished any of them for various reasons?

...that I haven't gone much of any where lately because I know that I will face an inevitable melt down by Braydon when we go to leave?

...that I miss my parents?

...that I love my children but sometimes wish I could spend some uninterupted time with Kenney and not have to worry about pumping breastmilk or whether Braydon has thrown 40 fits while we've been gone?'s just easier to not go any where?

...I'm frustrated and about to rip my hair out because I'm just lost as to what to do with and/or for Braydon?

...I'm desperately searching for a reason why B does the things that he's doing so I can say that I'm not a bad mother, that I'm doing everything that I can possibly do?

...a lot of the time I'm quite lonely and although I have "friends" I don't have any close ones.

I didn't think so...

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


From time to time, I have mini panic attacks. My heart will start racing, and I'll start sweating and getting dizzy. They usually go away.

Lately, it seems as though it's one long panic attack. I am easily overwhelmed, agitated, defeated. I went to go participate in my sister's fotofest, and after looking at all the enteries can't even make myself post. People pay me to take their wedding pictures, but I can't even handle a simple contest without feeling overwhelmed and completely inadequate.

I really hate when I get like this. I struggle with my lack of ability to handle normal motherly duties, such as putting my 5 month old to bed, or even reading a book to my son without getting frustrated or having this horrible feeling of defeat. No need for pity, just needed to get that out.

Monday, June 16, 2008

annoying ads...

I'm sick of seeing half naked women in ads trying to get me to a singles dating site, when A) I'm not a man so the picture of the scantily clad woman is not enticing to me B) I'm already married, so no need for a dating web site C) I hate having to jump to cover my son's eyes when hes sitting on my lap when I'm on the computer. I recently discovered a site where you can block those ads. You can choose to cover them with your own pictures from flickr, news stories, etc. or you can choose just to have them gray it out. Either way, none of those ads any more for us. It's currently in the beta mode right now and only works with firefox, but if you're interested, check it out here! Visit FOOF

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Just disgusted...

I went to Braydon's 4 year old check up yesterday. After doing all of the regular check up stuff, she suggested he see a speech pathologist/therapist to work on some of his speech issues, which I am not surprised at. We go for an evaluation on the 18th...Then we talked about his hearing and his ear problems. When he was an infant, he had tons of ear infections, and had to have tubes in his ears. They said he had suffered a minimal amount of hearing loss in the left ear. Well the day after getting home from the rally, his ear started draining. I didn't think anything about it because that used to happen all the time. When she looked at it today, she said it was infected and wanted him to take antibiotics and use drops in his ears. After telling me he's sick, she then says, okay, it looks like he's going to need 5 shots. I just kind of looked at her like you've got to be kidding me! She knows I've chosen to seperate vaccinations with my baby, and she said if I wanted to do the same with Braydon that was fine with her. I told her I needed to know which shots he needed and the brand they gave so I could do my research on them, which she had no problem about. What I didn't understand though was why she would have given vaccines when he was sick. I mean I realize its just an ear infection but still....She respected my wishes and told me to call when I was ready to set up a schedule of how I wanted to vax him...and then she left.

Then a nurse (not the one who we normally see) came in and off the bat had an attitude with me demanding to know why I wasn't going to give him his shots today. I told her that I just didn't like what was in them, and I wasn't going to give him something I didn't know what was in them. I mentioned I seperated with baby and I wished I'd known to seperate with my older son. She told me it wasn't like the 5 in 1, that they were all seperate shots. I told her that it was crazy to give any child that many shots in one day, to which she responded she did it every day. I replied that I felt sorry for the parents of the kids that don't know any better and sorry for the kids for having no one stand up for them. She shot me a dirty look, and I just smiled. I told her since the shots were seperate anyways it wouldn't be too hard to give them through an extended period of time. Then she said "Um, you know that he's past the point where you have to worry about autism, right?" I just looked at her trying to figure out what she had just said. Then it hit me, and heres what I said: "So are you saying that I have a valid concern about my child getting autism from the vaccines that you give?" Her mouth dropped and she didn't know what to say. She looked like a deer caught in headlights. I smiled politely and said thanks for her concern, but I'll wait until Braydon isn't sick before I give him any shots and walked out of the room. Then she stuck her head out of the room and tried to make me feel bad for not giving him the shots: "I wish I had known because I've already drawn them up." I told her I was sorry, but I was sure than in an office with 8 doctors, I'm sure that one child in the office will have a parent who doesn't know better that you can use them on." That really pissed her off, and she followed me to the check out (theres another nurses station by the check out) and made a BIG deal about trying to find someone else who could use the shots so they wouldn't go to waste because some mom was being paranoid.

Call me paranoid, but I'm not going to give him any shots without looking into them, ESPECIALLY when he's sick....GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

It just breaks my heart to think about all the children getting shots who are sick and their parents don't know any better. These doctors do though. They should know it's not a good idea to inject a live virus into a small child who's immune system is down, and can't fight off the virus. ugh. I seriously feel sick thinking about it. I'm so thankful I found out about the shots before giving my daughter any....I only wish I'd known about it 4 years ago....

I wish I could stand outside my pedi's office and warn parents. I was interviewed today by the health reporter from our local newspaper, the Rocky Mount Telegram. They'll be running my story in the Sunday paper! WOOHOO! Hopefully this will open some parents eyes!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Wordless Wednesday (late entry)

For more enteries, visit Rachel's blog. For more information about our cause you can go visit TACA's page, Moms Against Mercury's page, or just plain ask me!

Uniform: "Green our Vaccines! Too Many too soon!"

Monday, June 2, 2008

Black or red?

If you have any knowledge about businesses, you know that they are either operating in one of two colors: in the "red" or in the "black". Black means that they are successful and are making a profit. More money is coming in than is going out! Red, well is obviously quite the opposite. More money is being spent than is coming in.

Our families operate a lot like a business, we're either living in the red or living in the black. I imagine that many of us would say we operate in the black, even if it's only by a few pennies. But are we really? Are we paying everything in full or are we putting things on credit cards? Do we only buy what we need or do we buy things because we want them?

Kenney & I have been struggling lately with the wants, the needs, and deciphering what is what. We've chosen not to use credit cards, have closed all of them, and paid off all but 2 which we are currently working on. We only have one reliable income right now, and that is Kenney's. I've struggled with the idea that maybe I need to go back to work, that we can't make it on one income. But even if I did work, I'd be paying for two daycare fees and what I would earn wouldn't be enough to make any sort of contribution, so why bother?!?

It's easy to get frustrated and to be tempted to try to live beyond your means. Case in point: We wanted a van. it's really hard in our cars to transport everything we need. Also, we're planning on going to NY in August and I wasn't too sure how reliable my Santa fe is. I can picture us on the side of the road in the middle of no-where PA with too fussy kids and a broken down car and no money to fix it. (Did I mention we have little in savings? which is going to be eaten up this coming week to get new tires on my car so it will pass the inspection?) So we started looking into vans, only to find out we would not qualify for another loan at this point.

I almost cried. I was so sure we "needed" a van and that God would provide for us to get one. I was not looking forward to having 2 car payments but sometimes you have to make sacrafices. I was so down, and I looked over our budget again, and began to cry. Why is our going out so much more than our coming in? I'm being frugal with our money. We've cut our grocery bill a ton. We've stopped going out to eat. Kenney's little snacks at work are no longer being purchased. We're being extra careful about our electricity in our house. We've cut out anything non-essential from our budget. My husband is gone from 6:45 in the morning until 5:30 at night Monday through Friday, and he works on weekends from home. He works so hard, and yet we're still barely staying afloat?

We're not destitute by any means. We have a roof over our heads, food in our cupboards and fridge, we have two cars, and I'm so thankful for that. But it is really frustrating to know that we're trying so hard to be faithful in our giving to God, to pay off debt, and to feel like we're treading water, not really going any where?