Thursday, January 13, 2011

Relief?

I thought I'd finally be able to sleep last night. But that was not the case. I had dreams of calls from the doctor, saying someone had re-read the scans and found something, or dreams that we went back in a few weeks and got horrible news. I tossed and turned all night.

How can the fact that my son doesn't have a brain tumor not be enough relief for me?! How can the fact that his brain was formed perfectly not bring me some peace?

Perhaps it's because I know he's still got "something" going on inside of his body, and we don't know what it is. Maybe it's because I know that at any given moment, my good news might quickly turn into bad news. Maybe it's because as I was leaving that hospital, I thought of my friends who are fighting with their kids against illnesses. I thought of Joey at Johns Hopkins. I thought of Hailey and Brentley who are infants both fighting cancer.

While my world came to a hault while my son was having a perhaps life-altering MRI, the rest of the world continued on. People went to work. They stopped by the grocery store & the post office. People celebrated anniversaries, birthdays, engagements, honeymoons, etc. Duke's winning streak came to an end. My mom said it best yesterday: When you're at the hospital, it's like the rest of the world doesn't exist and vice versa. It just doesn't sit well with me.

These families' lives come to a pause. They are stuck in little rooms while they watch their kids be treated. They have no control over anything. And that just sucks. I hate it. I hate it for them. I hate it for their kids. I hate it for their other kids that are having to deal with it to. Because disease is not just a one person battle, especially when it's a child that is sick.

My heart is burdened beyond measure, not only for my child, but for these precious friends of mine as well.

2 comments:

Kristi S (KristiN4girlz) said...

As a mom you will always worry more than anyone else, always feel for other kids more than just someone else, I pray you get answers and he is healed.

Melanie said...

I was dealing with landlords, doctors (Joseph has a surgery tomorrow), contractors, work and cranky professors- and yet there wasn't any part of my day when my thoughts weren't with you at that hospital. Life might go on, but I love you so much and am hoping for nothing but answers for you.